The Breakup

As many of you know I was in a relationship and I was very in love with this person. All I could think about was our future together. There were many things wrong with the relationship, but I am not going to go into details because I respect my ex and his family very much. Anyways, we broke up in January because he wanted to be on his own and didn't want to keep pursuing the relationship. I came back home for the Spring Semester because 1.) we talked about making things work and about marriage. 2.) I felt like the situation would've been better because I would've been back home and we wouldn't have had to do long distance anymore. One month after I got back he called it quits. First off, I am very happy for him. Again, I have respect for him and care about him. I always want the best for him and wish him the best. It was the most challenging 2 months of my life let me tell you. I couldn't eat. I would replay scenarios in my head like, "If I would've done this," or "If this didn't happen." It was a lot of tears and I went through probably one of the darkest seasons of my life. I didn't eat hardly at all, I cried a lot, I didn't even want to leave the house. Here's my point: you can be on your knees, kicked in the stomach, betrayed, and disappointed, but GOD STILL SEES YOU! Honestly, if it wasn't for the breakup, I wouldn't be as close to God as I am right now. God has gotten me through and I can't even explain how. I spent almost everyday in prayer asking God, "When is this pain going to end? Why am I not enough?" Woah, excuse me! Little did I know back 2 months ago I am enough and I am chosen. I am loved deeply! God takes people out of your life for a reason! God takes things out of your life for a reason! It's so tough! The way I see it now is, "What has God taught me?"

I am now happier than I have been in a very long time, I am in a good place, I am making more and more friends, I am spending soooo much time with God, I am taking care of my body, I am journaling my thoughts when I have tough days. Each day is such a blessing! God has taught me and has shown me so many things about Him and myself! I am more confident than ever! I love myself more than ever! God knows the desires of my heart, God knows my needs! God will provide! I am so very VERY thankful I get the chance to return back to Harding in the fall. I have found a job down there and I am going to be rooming with my best friend, which I am so excited about! It's the small things like this I am content with. I have no reason to doubt God at all. Why you may ask? Because when he saw me on my knees, he was right by my side. When I was crying heartbroken for so many nights, He was my shoulder to cry on. You know I never thought I would feel so much joy again but I am so filled! I am so filled with such a heart for God. I am so very blessed to have such a caring and loving God! He has picked up shattered pieces and put them back together restoring my heart! There are still some pieces that are still sore, but I know those pieces will be restored as well!

I know it's kind of long but I am so glad I got to share my testimony with you! I am so thankful that God continues to work in and through me. I love you! If you are going through a tough time do NOT be afraid to reach out because I am here for you, God is here for you! He's holding your hand with each step you take. He will not let you fall! You are chosen! Never forget you were bought with a price! <3