Crashing into Blessings

Hi friends! Welcome back to another blog post! I am so sorry I didn't write last week! There has been so much going on in my life that I didn't have the time to write last week, but I am so glad I am back in business this week! There has been so much God has been doing in my life and I could not be more grateful and thankful! Praise be to God for His faithfulness and mercy! Alright it is time to grab your popcorn or favorite snack, and let's get right on into today's blog!

At the beginning of November I remember praying to God saying, "God I am ready to follow you whole heartedly, place me where you want me." God did just that. He took me out of a relationship with the person I loved so much! When we broke up, my heart was broken into two and I felt like the world came crashing down. I allowed myself time to wallow and process my emotions. During this time of grief, my dad took me on a hike and we sat beside a lake and he told me that God has greater plans for me than I have for myself. God does things the way He wants to. My dad also told me that following God comes with suffering, it's what we do in the midst of our suffering. I remember thinking this is my time to really get close to God. I remember praying in the chapel, reading my Bible constantly, and reading a book about who Jesus is. While I was drawing close to God, I felt like God had abandoned me. I felt like God just put me in a place and just completely left me in that place all alone. I was crying out, weeping, not eating, and doing everything I could to try and get close to God. In that, I still felt so utterly distant. I was battling with guilt and shame from the mistakes I made. I couldn't forgive myself. Here's something I learned: God admires and loves when we are actively seeking Him out, that's great, but I felt God tell me, "Give me your suffering, surrender it to me, I will provide." When I stopped trying to take control and make it better my way, I felt God immediately. I felt God hold me in His hands and He kept telling me to be patient and to keep seeking His will.

On November 12th, I was coming back from Sunday morning service and I remember thining going back to my apartment, "I wonder what would happen if I got into a car accident." Literally two minutes later, I was in a car accident. All I could think about was how I almost died and all the regrets in my life. I called my ex boyfriend scared to death and I just wanted him there to take care of me but he couldn't leave work to get to me. I was standing on the side of the road watching my car get towed away and all I could do was sing, O Come to the Alter. All I could do was sing worship songs and wait for my ride to come pick me up and take me to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, the doctors took scans to make sure I was okay. After all my scans were done, the doctor came into my room and asked me this question, "What are you going to do with your life?" That question really caught me off guard and all I could say in that moment was, "Continue to go to school." Dumb I know. He looked at me with disappointment almost and walked out. I still ponder that question of what am I going to do with my life. It made me realize that we are just a vapor, we aren't promised another second so what are we going to do with the time that we have!

I believe the accident was God's way of putting things back together. It was the turning point. What was made to destroy me made me stronger. God was building me up and preparing me for what was to happen next. I started to become closer with my friends, with my church, I started pouring into ministry, I have the strongest relationship with my Heavenly Father which is the greatest blessing, me and my ex-boyfriend are back together stronger than ever, I am safe and healthy, and I am back dreaming with God because He is not done yet! My spirit is still ready to jump to start the next best thing!

To go from praying in the chapel and telling God that I quit and can't do it to being filled with so much joy and so much hope ya'll I am telling you, God is so good words can't even describe how amazing He truly is. I've grown so much over the past few weeks and I am so excited to see what the next few months are going to look like! I am learning so much from God and who He truly is. God loves us just as we are even when we feel like giving up. He wants you to surrender everything. Sometimes you can't see the big picture and that is okay! Sometimes we just need to look at where God is putting our feet. God really did restore more than I could've ever imagined and He is not done. He is still at work preparing me and perfecting me for something even greater than what is right now! I could not be more in love with God and not just because of what He gives me. I don't deserve any of it! I am just so thankful for our relationship to be able to confide in Him and talk to Him about anything and everything! That is what I have learned these past two weeks is that God is the only one who I need to depend on and to confide in.

No matter how hard life gets you win! You want to know why you win? If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior into your heart you have the greatest gift of eternal life and no one can take that away from you! If you have a personal relationship with Jesus, no one can take that away from you! The next time you go through something so hard that you feel like you are not going to make it through remember, you have someone you can confide in! Through Jesus and what He did on that cross, you are a winner!! You have the greatest gift ever! I love you and praying for you! Until next time friends! <3