Behind The Scenes

Hi!

As you all probably know, I had a Harding scholarship to play tennis along with an academic scholarship! I was ready to start my life and create the life I always wanted to have. The things I thought we're going to happen went in a totally different direction. I ended up leaving Harding and coming back home to a relationship I put a lot of time and effort into. I really wanted everything to work out but that fell through as well. Everything that I wanted to go as planned literally went down the crap shoot. Here I am now broken, devastated, and angry at myself for doing what I did. Here's the thing, the person that you see posting pictures of herself smiling is really going through a lot of suffering and a lot of healing. It's the same with anyone. They post what you want them to see but in reality, they're struggling with insecurities, addictions, etc. Here is what I am going to leave you with because through all of this mess and chaos, God is in control. He is a God of peace, of consistency, of love, and of forgiveness.

I woke up one morning and I felt like I needed to check my verse of the day. I looked on my phone and it was 1 Peter 5:10; it says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." That literally spoke to my heart and opened a door to let God come in and begin a good work in me.

I just want you to know that suffering is hard. It can really hurt you mentally and physically if you let it. I still have an opened wound. Instead of trying to turn to earthly things to try and fill the void, let God come in and plant a seed. Let Him water and give the seed the proper things it needs to flourish. It won't happen in a day, in a week, or even in a month. You will see progress and changes! Just wait until the flower is fully grown!

Everyone is dealing with things behind the scenes but right now I'm currently home going to school, working at a daycare, and trying to figure out what I even want to do with my life. All I know is God is guiding me and has already laid on my heart to go back to Harding in the fall. I'm going to let Him equip me for His glory! There is always hope and my prayer is if you are struggling and battling something, turn to God and cast all your cares on Him! Take a leap of faith and fly!